The other day I was thinking about spring, and what it was like when I was little. All the running water to play in, the hills to explore, the flowers to find. My eyes got misty. I don't know if I miss the place or that carefree time in my life, but either way, I want it back. I want to go back to the top of that big hill and feel like I rule the world. I want to see miles and miles of undisturbed country. I want to feel like I belong to something bigger.
I try to recreate those experiences for my child, but sometimes I don't think that is possible. I don't know if the wonder existed in the place, or was it the time? Part of me is afraid to go back. What if it isn't as grand? Will I have ruined this treasured memory that can instantly bring my mind a sense of peace when I think about it? I think it might be worth the risk.
My friend Candace says one of her favorite movies is Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (even though she was only supposed to give one, she has two). I watched it again the other day and realized why she likes it so much. I had missed it the first time. The part where he tells her he is dying and wants his life told in the grand fashion he lived it, and sum it all up with, "he died." With the end of one chapter comes the beginning of another.
Sometimes when my life changes drastically it brings me great sadness. That movie reminded me without change, nothing new would ever come. So maybe I no longer have that hill to take my son to, so that he could be the king of the world.......... but I do have something. I have my own hills to give him. My own memories to create.
After his birthday celebrations had ended I cried. I don't want him to loose that wonderful innocence that comes with childhood. I even contemplated duct taping a brick to his head! But I have to let him grow, to change, to make his own chapters. So with all of his new chapters will come ones of my own. I don't want them to be written about a lousy character!! I will do my best to preserve whatever amount of wonder I can in his life and my own!!
I try to recreate those experiences for my child, but sometimes I don't think that is possible. I don't know if the wonder existed in the place, or was it the time? Part of me is afraid to go back. What if it isn't as grand? Will I have ruined this treasured memory that can instantly bring my mind a sense of peace when I think about it? I think it might be worth the risk.
My friend Candace says one of her favorite movies is Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (even though she was only supposed to give one, she has two). I watched it again the other day and realized why she likes it so much. I had missed it the first time. The part where he tells her he is dying and wants his life told in the grand fashion he lived it, and sum it all up with, "he died." With the end of one chapter comes the beginning of another.
Sometimes when my life changes drastically it brings me great sadness. That movie reminded me without change, nothing new would ever come. So maybe I no longer have that hill to take my son to, so that he could be the king of the world.......... but I do have something. I have my own hills to give him. My own memories to create.
After his birthday celebrations had ended I cried. I don't want him to loose that wonderful innocence that comes with childhood. I even contemplated duct taping a brick to his head! But I have to let him grow, to change, to make his own chapters. So with all of his new chapters will come ones of my own. I don't want them to be written about a lousy character!! I will do my best to preserve whatever amount of wonder I can in his life and my own!!
2 comments:
Finally you write again, and I get to see the thoughts in your head. I love how you consider taping a brick to your son's head to stop him from growing up-- reminds me of Peter Pan and the holiness of childhood-- and your son is so beautiful. I want my life to be a good story, but I'm not sure how to write it. What do you do when you don't know what to do? Does the universe drop answers in your lap? Do you plod on, plod on, plod never knowing?
Plod, Plod, Plod that is all that you can do. It is the manner in which you plod that makes it different........or tolerable. You can plod with your head up, and when it starts to droop look for the shiny rocks on the ground. There is always a silver lining....
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